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Missappropriated Churchill Quote

A man walks out of a bar totally hammered, only to be greeted by a snobby woman.

She takes one look at him.

"You, sir, are drunk!"

"And you ma'am, are ugly. But when I wake up, I will be sober!"
Submitted by bumfacepuff on Thu, 15/10/2009 - 12:17pm.

Celtic Mortality

What is the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?

One less drunk.
Submitted by lunkmuck on Wed, 08/07/2009 - 1:30pm.

ABC's of ex girlfriends

Ais for Arteries.You know, the things that your ex-girlfriend ripped out because she really didn't care for you you twit she was only after your money and could have given a shit about you.

Bis for Bitter. Who, me??  read more »
Submitted by snarkbeef on Fri, 04/09/2009 - 1:59pm.

Yo Mama's So Short... Run

Yo mama is so short, that she can run track around the toilet!
Submitted by facefinger on Mon, 14/12/2009 - 9:38am.

I Won The Lottery!

A man gets home, screeches his car into the driveway, runs into the house, slams the door and shouts at the top of his lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the damn lottery!"

The wife says, "Oh my god! No shit?! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?"

The husband yells back, "It doesn't matter. Just get the hell out!"
Submitted by wadclot on Wed, 26/08/2009 - 3:03am.
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