Random jokes

First time sex...

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet, and have a dinner with her parents.

Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.
 read more »

0 to 200 in 6 seconds

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife wasreally pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in thedriveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work.  read more »

Fatal Things To Say To Your Pregnant Wife

17. "I finished the Oreo's."

16. "Not to imply anything, but I don't think the kid weighs forty pounds."

15. "Y'know, looking at her, you'd never guess that Pamela Lee had a baby."

14. "I sure hope your thighs aren't gonna stay that flabby forever."

13. "Well, couldn't they induce labor?  read more »

He Said She Said

He said.. I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.

She said..You wear briefs, don't you

He said.. Do you love me just because my father left me a fortune?

She said.. Not at all honey, I would love you no matter who left you the money.

She said.. What do you mean by coming home half drunk?

He said.. It's not my fault..  read more »

Rabbi's advice...

Young Jewish man came to see Rabbi for advice:

- Rabbi, I want to marry
- Ok, marry
- Rabbi, but I am not in love with her...
- Ok, Don't marry
- Rabbi, but she is very rich...
- Then, marry
- But she looks terrible...
- Don't marry
- But her father going to take me into business...
- Marry...
- Rabbi, what kind of advice is this? Marry, don't marry?... I need some real advice
- You know what... Go ahead and convert to Christianity...
- Whaaat?... What for??
- Then you going to screw Pop's mind...

Taxi driver...

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window. {#emotions_dlg.sick}

For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, " Don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" {#emotions_dlg.shock}

The passenger apologised and said, "I didn't realise that a tap would scare you so much." The driver replied,"Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver - I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years." Frown  read more »

50th wedding anniversary

A man was talking to his friend about what to do for his 50th wedding anniversary. The friend asked, “What did you do for your 25th?”

He said, “I took my wife to Hawaii.”
 read more »

He Said, She Said

He said... I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.

She said...You wear briefs, don't you?

He said... Do you love me just because my father left me a fortune?

She said...Not at all honey, I would love you no matter who left you the money.

He said...  read more »

Control

There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remains quiet.

After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says, "Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?"

The third fellow says "I'll tell you.  read more »
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