Random jokes
Who should be in charge?...
One day the different parts of the body were
having an argument to see which should be in charge:The brain said, "I
do all the thinking so I'm the most important and I should be in
charge."
The eyes said, "I see everything and let the rest of you know where we are, so I'm the most important and I should be in charge."
The hands said, "Without me we wouldn't be able to pick anything up or move anything. So I'm the most important and I should be in charge."
The stomach said, "I turn the food we eat into energy for the rest of you. Without me, we'd starve. So I'm the most important and I should be in charge."
The legs said, "Without me we wouldn't be able to move anywhere. So I'm the most important and I should be in charge."
Then the ass said, "I think I should be in charge."
All the rest of the parts said, "YOU?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You don't do anything! You're not as important as we surely are! You can't be in charge."
So the ass closed up.
read more »
The eyes said, "I see everything and let the rest of you know where we are, so I'm the most important and I should be in charge."
The hands said, "Without me we wouldn't be able to pick anything up or move anything. So I'm the most important and I should be in charge."
The stomach said, "I turn the food we eat into energy for the rest of you. Without me, we'd starve. So I'm the most important and I should be in charge."
The legs said, "Without me we wouldn't be able to move anywhere. So I'm the most important and I should be in charge."
Then the ass said, "I think I should be in charge."
All the rest of the parts said, "YOU?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You don't do anything! You're not as important as we surely are! You can't be in charge."
So the ass closed up.
read more »
Yo mama so fat...
Yo mama so fat - once she was hired to the milk farm as a cow...
How you know a man is Virgin
A very 'straight and honest' small town girl is going to city for work. Before she left, her mother gave her some advice.
"Daughter, when you're in the city and if you're looking for a match there, you must find a man that is 'faithful', not 'spendthrift' and must be a 'virgin'."
With this advise from her mother, the girl left. After some months later, she came home to get her mother's blessings to marry.
"Mother, I've met my match following your instructions. My future husband is faithful because when we went out for a holiday one day, he took care of me specifically even though there were so many prettier girls around. Isn't that being faithful?".
Her mother nodded in agreement.
"Then, since the day was getting late in the night and rain was pouring, my boyfriend decided that we stay the night at a hotel. He also suggested that in order not to spend too much, we shared one room only. Isn't he not spendthrift guy?"
For the second time her mother nodded her head in agreement, but with a little concern.
"And finally mum..., I know he is a virgin".
read more »
"Daughter, when you're in the city and if you're looking for a match there, you must find a man that is 'faithful', not 'spendthrift' and must be a 'virgin'."
With this advise from her mother, the girl left. After some months later, she came home to get her mother's blessings to marry.
"Mother, I've met my match following your instructions. My future husband is faithful because when we went out for a holiday one day, he took care of me specifically even though there were so many prettier girls around. Isn't that being faithful?".
Her mother nodded in agreement.
"Then, since the day was getting late in the night and rain was pouring, my boyfriend decided that we stay the night at a hotel. He also suggested that in order not to spend too much, we shared one room only. Isn't he not spendthrift guy?"
For the second time her mother nodded her head in agreement, but with a little concern.
"And finally mum..., I know he is a virgin".
read more »
Impossible to Please
A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.
The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. read more »
The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. read more »
Why men ask woman's hand when propose?
Q: Why do men ask for a woman's hand in marriage?
A: Because they are tired of using their own.
A: Because they are tired of using their own.
Can I Smell Something
A guy goes into a bar and seats himself next to a hot looking woman. After a few drinks he musters the courage to talk to her. After a few more drinks and a little conversation he leans over to the woman and asks, "Can I smell your Pussy?"
The woman is outraged and answers with a stern, "Of course not!"
The drunk man replies......."Oh, then it must be your feet."
The woman is outraged and answers with a stern, "Of course not!"
The drunk man replies......."Oh, then it must be your feet."
Two Cannibals
Two cannibals, a father and son, were elected by the tribe to go out and get something to eat. They walked deep into the jungle and waited by a path.
Before long, along came this little old man. The son said, "Ooh dad, there's one." "No," said the father. "There's not enough meat on that one to even feed the dogs. read more »
Before long, along came this little old man. The son said, "Ooh dad, there's one." "No," said the father. "There's not enough meat on that one to even feed the dogs. read more »
Yo mamma is so old
Yo Momma is so old she was in Jesus yearbook!
French toast
Three kids come down to the kitchen and sit around the breakfast table.
The mother asks the oldest boy what he’d like to eat.
"I’ll have some fuckin’ French toast," he says.
The mother is outraged at his language, hits him, and sends him upstairs.
She asks the middle child what he wants. read more »
I Won The Lottery!
A man gets home, screeches his car into the driveway, runs into the house, slams the door and shouts at the top of his lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the damn lottery!"
The wife says, "Oh my god! No shit?! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?"
The husband yells back, "It doesn't matter. Just get the hell out!"
The wife says, "Oh my god! No shit?! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?"
The husband yells back, "It doesn't matter. Just get the hell out!"
