All jokes - Top rated

Missappropriated Churchill Quote

bumfacepuff — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 05:17:38 -0700

A man walks out of a bar totally hammered, only to be greeted by a snobby woman.

She takes one look at him.

"You, sir, are drunk!"

"And you ma'am, are ugly. But when I wake up, I will be sober!"

Celtic Mortality

lunkmuck — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 06:30:26 -0700

What is the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?

One less drunk.

I Won The Lottery!

wadclot — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 20:03:03 -0700

A man gets home, screeches his car into the driveway, runs into the house, slams the door and shouts at the top of his lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the damn lottery!"

The wife says, "Oh my god! No shit?! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?"

The husband yells back, "It doesn't matter. Just get the hell out!"

A Prayer Before Dying

bumblewipe — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 04:10:28 -0700

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep - not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

Lying Lawyer

dolttwit — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 15:50:27 -0700

How can you tell when a lawyer is about to lie?

His lips start moving.