What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
take the pin out and throw it back
Blonde walks into an ice cream parlor on a hot day.
"I'd like a gallon of chocolate ice cream", she says.
"I'm sorry ma'am, but we've had a run on chocolate in this weather
and we just ran out. We've got 30 other flavours, so please pick one of
them." replied the clerk.
"Oh well, I guess I'll just have a quart of chocolate then."
"Ma'am, perhaps you didn't hear me. We are completely out of
chocolate ice cream, but I'll be happy to sell you another flavour."
"Oh. Better make it just a pint of chocolate then."
The clerk has had enough at this point and asks, "Listen, lady, spell the 'VAN' in 'vanilla'."
The lady is puzzled, but replies "V-A-N".
"OK, now spell the 'STRAW' in 'strawberry'. he says.
She slowly replies, "S-T-R-A-W", still not sure what he's up to.
"OK, now spell the "FUCK" in 'chocolate'."
She looks at him and says, "There's no 'fuck' in chocolate!'
He shouts back, "That's what I'm tryin to tell you, lady!"
An Irishman's been at a pub all night drinking. The bartender finally says that the bar is closed. So he stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside he stands up and falls flat on his face. So he crawls home and at the door stands up and falls flat on his face. He crawls through the door and up the stairs. When he reaches his bed he tries one more time to stand up. This time he falls right into bed and is sound asleep. He awakens the next morning to his wife standing over him shouting at him.
"So, you've been out drinking again!!"
"How did you know?" he asks.
"The pub called, you left your wheelchair there again."