A Prayer Before Dying

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep - not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

Need Samples

An old man goes to the doctor for his yearly physical, his wife tagging along. When the doctor enters the examination room, he tells the old man, "I need a urine sample, a stool sample and a sperm sample."

The old man, being hard of hearing, looks at his wife and yells: "WHAT?"

"What did he say? What's he want?"

His wife yells back, "He needs your underwear."

you so ugly...

you so ugly that when your mom droped you off at school she got a ticket for littering

Parachute

Q: Did you hear about the new automatic parachutes, invented by a blond?

A: They open on impact.
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